Why do people cheat?

While sex may be the catalyst to start an affair other factors lead to people continuing in affairs. The sexual excitement and thrill only last a short time. It can be like getting a drug fix. The pleasure can be intense but it is short lived. They also get a high from thinking someone wants them.

For some “innocent” flirting can spin out of control. They get caught up in the excitement and teasing and then the sexual energy and tension builds until they act on it. Others do not know how to handle the sexual attraction they may feel without trying to act on it.

Affairs are about me. A person in an affair is thinking about how to get their own wants and needs meet. They feel better about themselves because other people want them.

For some it is a game to see how many people they can seduce, but then once they “get” the person they move on.

Affairs that continue can come from living in a fantasy world where you do not have to think about the others wants and needs. You feel good about yourself because someone different/ new and exciting is paying attention to you. It is an artificial world where everyday demands can be left outside. A world unlike your marriage, where you may be unhappy and have unmet emotional/physical needs the affair is exciting and fun. Many affairs end when the other starts putting real demands on them to meet emotional needs.

The affair may be a way to avoid facing the emotional pain you are having in your marriage. You may think you would be happy if only you could be with the person you are having the affair with.