Why do bad things happen?

One of the first bible passages I came across when I became a Christian, over 30 years ago, was “all things work together for those who love the Lord”. Since then things have happened to me where at the time I was not sure how good they were as I was experiencing them. Things like:

>The problems in my first marriage which ultimately lead to divorce after 20+ years

>Getting hit by a car and nearly dying

>Problems on the various jobs I had over the years

>Struggles trying to be a good parent

>Deaths of friends and loved ones

So what have I discovered? I have learned God can use these life experiences to make us stronger and help others. In my counseling with couples I have empathy and understanding for the troubles facing couples. I understand how badly communication and understanding can break down. When we do not feel our spouse understands us we begin to feel they do not love us. This can lead to not trying to talk about our concerns and, eventually, feelings of loneliness. When we are no longer friends the relationship eventually falls apart. If we do not have our own inner peace and we look to our spouse to provide it we are disappointed and become angry. When we can not express true affection and experience loving touch we begin to grow distant from our spouse. When we constantly put our own needs ahead of our spouse we are not really demonstrating love. My list could go on but I hope you get my point. Since I did so many things wrong in my first marriage, I have used my own experiences to help me recognize the problems in the marriages of the couples in my office. Don’t let me fool you, I still do some things wrong in my present marriage (just ask my wife) but I have learned how to recognize what I have done and pay more attention to my wife’s reactions. Then I apologize and work on changing my behavior.

When I was hit by a car while riding my bike I could have died if I had not been wearing a helmet. I learned not to take life for granted. We have no guarantee we are going to die of old age. We need to consider each day could be our last. Have we taken time to do the most important things?

Being a parent is one of the greatest joys and challenges many of us will ever face. I learned each child is different, what worked with one of my daughters did not necessarily work with the other. I learned we make mistakes in parenting but we can learn from them. I learned to ask for help and suggestions from others with more experience. I learned the importance of being there and spending time with them. I learned they grow up all too quickly, before you know it they are out on their own. I know we can never tell them we love them too many times.

Before becoming a counselor I worked in many jobs I did not like, but they paid the bills. Looking back I can see they taught me valuable lessons about life. When I worked in a factory while in college it increased my determination to finish my education. When I worked in a convenience store I learned a lot about human nature. When I drove a school bus I learned things about child behavior you won’t read about in books. When I sold insurance I learned I wanted to go back and get a Master’s Degree so I could help people with their mental health issues.

With the death of a loved one, we are reminded our life here is short. Have we done things to show our love? All of us are here for only a very short time. Are we making the most of it?

My list of things could go on and on. The point I am trying to make is we need to look at life’s experiences as lessons which are teaching us to be better people who love God, ourselves and others. Men and women who put first things first.