What is so hard about forgiveness?

Many times by the time someone comes to see me for counseling they are feeling so much hurt they are angry with someone in their life, particularly their spouse.

They tell me they don’t think they can forgive the person who hurt them. Too often the hurt has built up for a long time. They have stayed in the relationship while continuing to let the anger build up. They have lost hope things will ever get better.

How do you forgive when there is so much hurt?

Start by asking God to forgive the person through you. God can help you find forgiveness because he forgives you.

Over and over God talks about forgiveness in the Bible. The Lords prayer Matthew 6:12 “Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you.

Learn to set limits so you don’t get hurt over and over again. Learning how to stand up for yourself in a loving way can help you feel better about yourself and the relationship. Ask your self does he/she know they are hurting you? Let them know what you want and need. If they really love you they will make an effort to stop hurting you. If they continue to hurt you may need to reconsider the relationship. You may need to seek help to change the relationship. In extreme cases you may need to end the relationship, but you still need to forgive for your own sake.