Remaining friends

I have noticed people who are still in happy relationships after many years are still freinds. Over and over I have couples who say they have just become like roommates.

A question I often ask couples when they first come in for counseling is "what brought you together in the first place?" What I usually hear about are the fun things they did together when they were dating. They would go out and listen to music, talk for hours, dance, go hiking, go biking, spend time with friends, travel, etc.

Then after they have been married a while they get into a rut. They get too busy with work, children, household chores and the like. They forget how to have fun together. They don't make time to talk and when they do it is about household business not each other. This leads to feelings of emptiness and feeling alone.

I recall a story I heard when I was in training to become a counselor about a group of clergy questioning an old priest about why there where so few people in his church getting divorced. His reply was he would not marry anybody without getting them to promise him that no matter what else happened they would go out on a date with each other, without the kids, at least once a month.